Our Inner Demon called 'Depression' By Katherine Lightwood

Our Inner Demon called 'Depression'

By Katherine Lightwood

We know depression through metaphors, from the paintings of Van Gogh and poems of Edger Allen Poe and Emily Dickenson. I have suffered from depression from a very early phase of life. The other day I was complaining about my health with my manager and he desperately asked me,

"What is that you are so much depressed about? You have a good and comfortable life. Not much to worry about, then what is the point of getting depressed?"

And that question made me feel so much guilty. Tongue tied and nervous I said something I read recently on a research paper on clinical psychology that depression can be caused without any reason or trauma in some rare cases.The day passed as usual and I kept thinking, am I drowning myself in the well of self-pity? Am I seeking sympathy from others to pull myself up together, or is the severe pain I am feeling is legit? This is the question I always ask myself after every action I do. And every point it gets to the level of paranoia.

Now, you might be wondering why the hell I am complaining here? But my motto is not complaining, it is to tell you all, what exactly happens in a mind of a depressed person? And my friends, depression is not what you think it is. This thing varies from person to person. And before you ask any question to anyone who is suffering from something like that, make sure you ask it in a right away or it might even trigger more problems in them.

One of the things that often gets lost in the discussion of depression is that you know its ridiculous. You know it's disgusting when you are experiencing it. You know that most people manage to make a phone call while eating lunch, organize themselves to take a shower, go out through the front door and that it's not a big deal and yet you are nonetheless in its grip and you are unable to figure out any way around it.

So I lately, began to feel myself doing less, thinking less and feeling less. It was a kind of nullity. And then the anxiety sets in. It was the feeling, all the time when you are walking and you will slip or trip as if the ground is rushing up at you. But instead of lasting half a second it seems to last a lifetime. It's a sensation of being afraid all the time that not even knowing what is it that you are afraid of.

My mom asked me once about what it feels like having this paranoia and I sat her down and made her understood the whole thing that goes into my head and also the whole biochemical mechanism. After listening everything, my mother said, if you know so much why don't you stop it. And I was like, are you serious? It felt like someone has pranked me in a cruel way.

Some of my most curious unanswered questions are, how did those people who have better lives even with bigger depression manage to get through? What is the mechanism of resilience? And what I came up with overtime was that the people who deny their experience and say, " I was once depressed a long time ago, and I never want to think about it again and I just want to get on with my life," and ironically, those are the people who are most enslaved by what they have.

Shutting out the depression is what strengthens it. While you hide from it, it grows. And the people who do better are the ones who are able to tolerate the fact that they have this condition. Those who can tolerate their depression are the once who achieve resilience. And the ones who hide, act normal to fit in this facade that they have created are liers. I am sorry I am putting it in that way but isn't that true? Ask yourself. 

So, that was my thought of the day. To see more posts like this make sure to visit our main page and facebook page. And do not forget to visit our institute's page to know more about graphic design, 3D, animation courses and other awesome stuff. Till then good day to you.

Katherine Lightwood