I am not an Artist... By Katherine Lightwood

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I am not an Artist...

By Katherine Lightwood


Today I felt like my soul was forged into hell. Well!! nothing bad happened... just usual introvert stuff. But it felt like I was again tongue-tied. I was again caged behind the bars of agonizing questions and even though I know their answers but I was still gawking like a lunatic. Why this, why that and what is the reason that you became YOU...?

Ok!! Where do I even start from? There are millions of reason that I am me. My thoughts, my fragments of past, my reminiscent of forgotten pain, my invalid emotions, my frozen and callous fears. In this world of twisted and hypocritic logic, how can I explain that why I am this way....? They say LOVE YOURSELF...They say nothing is good and nothing is bad, they say to stay happy...And in the other side when I want to be me, passionately, with all my heart, then why they break me and tell me to walk on my predestined line that they drew before I was born.

Art...Artist... Why I HATE this tag? I was so tongue-tied when my head teacher asked me about it. Gulping the pain down my throat I was just sitting and murmuring some senseless words in front of them that I didn't even believe. How far I was from the reality, I wish I could have told them. My art that world sees or the ones that are buried in the pages of my old notebooks are reminiscent of my painful and most vulnerable memories. The thoughts that I was so ashamed of that I couldn't even think off properly. They are the memories of my misdeeds, my obsessions, and my fantasies. Sitting there I was just thinking about those memories. An alumnus was there to cheer us up, he and my head teacher was continuously persuading me to give up my "Destructive Thought Process" and "Love my art"...But in the core of my heart, I was just reminding myself that what got me into art and what is it becoming now. For me, my art is a very personal journey, a tale of following a light in the darkest paths, a devotion, a ray of hope, a cherished memory and a way of worship.

My art comes from the beauty that is unexplainable in words, thoughts that are beyond logic and feelings that are callous and invalid. My art is my secret diary where there is no one to judge me even if I speak breathlessly, laugh senselessly and blabber with a twisted demeanor. My art is a noiseless room where I can speak to my darkest fears without hesitating. My art is my unshed tear that drenches my soul into the ocean of sorrow when I am dying of thirst in the desert of pain. My twisted art allows me to bury my face in the arms of loneliness and just lay undisturbed, away from the chaotic world. It allows me to be me and this is something I can never share with this world... 

So, that was my thought of the day. To see more posts like this make sure to visit our main page. And Do not forget to visit our institute's page to know more about graphic design, 3D, animation courses and other awesome stuff. Till then good day to you.

 Katherine Lightwood  

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