Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part -1 By Katherine Lightwood

Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part -1

By Katherine Lightwood

Terribly frustrated with the chaos of life in general, today I went out for a walk. Only a few rays of sunlight were left. The whole nature seemed to get in sync with me as if they are telling my tale of life. The setting sun, the grim calmness before the storm, everything was related to me. In between the chaos, I felt like I was a sinking ship surviving in the angry ocean. Losing hope every single second but still fighting. It made me understand that in spite of all the darkness and struggle, the primitive part of the human spirit keeps on surviving before the heart stops beating and lungs take its last breath.

As I was walking through the pavements, I took a quick journey down the memory lane of my life. A journey from my cradle up to now. I can't say grave here because I am still alive. I was surprised that in the rush of achieving my goal, I locked so many of my memories away. Although each of these is extremely dark and somehow they become my source of what everyone calls "creativity". And as I was having that weird thought experiment the only two people that I remembered of was my own father and my teacher. The key people who shaped my mind and how I was like them. Both of them are the men who raised from the ashes and created their own identity. I remembered my childhood days when my father used to take me to small hiking trips. What a strange trip those were... We used to walk under the long eucalyptus trees without talking without having a single word... both enjoying our own melancholy headspace. The only crackling of dry leaves can be heard beneath our feet. 

And today that mild autumn breeze reminded me of that time. While my father was lost in his deep mind place I used to steal glances and look at his face to see if I could get any hint of what he is thinking. But alas, I could never find out about his thoughts. I never dared to ask either about his thoughts, I thought it might be too mean to intrude in his mind palace as it was the only place that gave him some peace. A couple of days ago my teacher explained to me and a few other students about a concept that he is working on. A dark struggle of life.. the unsaid struggle that no one speaks about. When life starts... it always has so much color and so much light. We dream, we want to achieve so much in life and as life progresses, little by little all the color vanishes. We grow old, weather and die just like a pencil. We keep sharping it and one day it will come to an end. 

I saw this evolution on my father and I am still seeing it. And somehow it seems like I also have become his reflection. But with this growing generation, the withering process speeded up. I am having the same thoughts what my father is feeling right now at this age of 60 years. And I am hopeless and surprised at the same time. Where are we heading and what will be the fate of our generation...? The generation of millennials.

So, that was my thought of the day. To see more posts like this make sure to visit our main page. And Do not forget to visit our institute's page to know more about graphic design, 3D, animation courses and other awesome stuff. Till then good day to you.

Katherine Lightwood