The maze of Unanswered Questions By Katherine Lightwood

The maze of Unanswered Questions

By Katherine Lightwood

"It felt like walking over a road of broken glass... willingly... again and again".

The last thought that poked my mind and virtually left me bleeding in the darkest corner of my thoughts. It felt like I was pushing mountains from my chest but it didn't move an inch.

These are some kinds of thoughts that infest the mind of people suffering from depression. When the world is blossoming in the warmth of hope, expectations, and enthusiasm, there are a group of people who are waiting to be forgotten. Buried under the burden of self-guilt, shame and disgust of their own thoughts, they are barely surviving.

Most of us have seen such people in some time of our life, somewhere, but we always tend to forget them. Our demon of apathy grasps our thoughts. We sometimes make fun of them, behave unkindly and even harm them without knowing a bit about their backstory. We become the darkness itself....  the darkness that haunts them in every way possible.

Change your perspective, change your thoughts, think positive... Be happy. Act happy... be responsible....be yourself.... breathe.... live...die...

I've always been told .... 'think positive' and in the fraction of second ....these words mold itself into the harsh words of "You're worthless" and "A nuisance". I feel like the world is counter-intuitive. Positivity has negativity in it. Sorrow has joy, pleasure has pain and light has darkness to it.

I've heard 'love' gives meaning to life. Seen couples, parents and children... siblings expressing their love for each other. But as I started to look, a bit closer... I saw a different picture. 'Love' has 'selfishness' to it.  A Violence, a wave of anger... a tragedy, a pain and a sense of loss.

I don't know why I focus on those aspects, but that's what I see.

I... myself couldn't understand 'love'... till now. For me, it's an emotion wrapped in a cover of guilt, shame, and expectations. It's a venomous emotion to feel. Less pleasure, it gives more of a pain. It threads countless waves of hope and with one bow it breaks those fragile threads leaving you aimless.

It's a part of life... move on, divert yourself... time will heal the pain. But sometimes it feels like the whole universe is lying to you. When the list of senseless logic finishes... then there comes the blame. The guilt and shame of the deeds you've never done...it drowns you in the sea of endless agony.

What is life and how to live... does anybody have an answer?

Katherine Lightwood

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