A Puff of Golden Memories By Katherine Lightwood

A Puff of Golden Memories

By Katherine Lightwood

It has been a long time that I haven't written anything, digitally or manually. I guess there's nothing to say much and nobody to hear. It's not like I write stuff in hope of getting "heard" but yeah sometimes it's nice to hear from the outside world.

From my previous blogs, you might have known that I've got a job in a pretty big company so I hardly get any time to write or even think. First things first, about the experience. Well, I am learning... at a very slow pace but yes... I am learning. And the biggest thing I learned about myself is that I am very much unusual and I must not get involved with the other people. I tried hard but I couldn't connect with anybody. Everyone has a different kind of vibe, a point of view, or even random thoughts. I find myself so alone even with a roomful of people. as if I am drowning myself in the painful noises that I can never recognize.

If you met me in person, you will find me a very naive looking weak little girl. Nothing close to a working woman of 24 years and I don't even want to look like one. Problem is that when people try to cover me with their own perspective and thoughts I get really annoyed. I look like a naive person, so that's why they think that I am just a kid who doesn't know and will change soon like them when exposed to a situation like something they have faced. But little did they know that I have been through serious hell, and still am facing situations that are beyond their imagination. People in this world don't care at all about the second person's thoughts and perspective. They are in their own zone of narcissism and superiority complex. They are just blind and insensible.

I was so overwhelmed by everything that I started having hallucinations. I called one of my friends and he suggested me to take a break and I did. I took a half day leave from my office and rushed back to my institute. As I was on my way my heart was pounding and I started to get really dizzy, at one point I fell down in the busy subway station. But I managed to get up and walk out.

And when I entered my institute, a sudden strange smell of old paint and cardboard welcomed me and raised millions of old memories. I was gripped by the feeling of nostalgia. It felt like I was given the life again that I had lost for so long. I rushed through the stairs and reached into the practice lab of our institute. Happy faces of my loving friends greeted me with handshakes and hugs. I was feeling some emotions that I never felt before. I was respected, liked and wanted by them. There was a genuine feeling of "I missed you" in their eyes. I never saw that emotion in any body's eyes for me. I felt as if I was holding my breath for a long time and I finally let it out. After a while, my teacher also joined us for lunch. He greeted me and asked about how I was doing in my job. I had millions of things to say but all I could manage to say is "Good Afternoon" while nodding my head.

After a while, my time passed and I started to blabber things to my friends. I wonder if they ever get annoyed with all my freaky talks. Again my teacher came to me and I started to tell him all those situations things that were happening at my new job.  I wasn't able to process my thoughts in words properly in front of him. I was so exhausted and was having a severe headache. It felt like time was passing faster than the speed of light.

I also asked everyone how they are doing and I've realized that I've missed a lot. And there's no point of picking up stuff now cuz' I can't keep up. I really missed them, more than I thought I would. My words cannot describe how much they meant to me. Every ounce of 'creativity', art or Nobel thought I had...everything is because of them and my teacher. So, whenever anyone appreciated me or tell me that my work is worth appreciating. I just smile and silently bow my head remembering them. The most beautiful and priceless memories I've shared with them.

Thank you, everyone, to giving me a beautiful reason to smile even in my darkest times.

Katherine Lightwood.