I've got a Fresh Perspective when I've least Expected By Katherine Lightwood

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I've got a Fresh Perspective when I've least Expected 

By Katherine Lightwood



 Bonjour!! Comment allez vous mes amis ?
Sorry, thought to set a French vibe in this article but seemed to fail profusely.

So, it's been a really long that I haven't touched my keyboard. I can clearly see my computer covered with a thin layer of dust. It saddens me sometimes if a sit and ponder on my laziness, it's completely worthless.
Anyways, let's talk a bit about what's going on my life. "Nothing much" will be a cliche because things are getting really reckless. Well!! as you might have known recently there was a competition in our institute organized by "Wacom" and the theme was "A Glimpse of a Futuristic City in 2050".

And somehow, in between all those hustles, I made a digital art and gave it for further submission. I was really exhausted after that. While making the digital art I found out that I literally have no idea how to draw a landscape. I've deleted 53 photoshop files because of that. I was running out of deadline and was feeling like a complete loser. After, working on my artwork for a whole night I managed to draw a something from my imagination. Next day, I went to my institute and showed it to my teacher. It was a bit better than my earlier artwork. I submitted my artwork and went for my usual classes. All of my classmates and colleagues were busy in making their artwork. I also helped some of my fellow classmates to complete their artwork as they too were running out of time.

That day "31 January" was a very fateful day because of some obvious reasons. And I was very agitated. I was suffering a lot that day, well! sorry for stating that like this. My past was haunting me "literally", tearing me apart, the old wounds have been dug up. I couldn't numb myself or could cry. I was on a verge of mental breakdown. I was surrounded by so many peoples, I was scared that I will put up a show for them, a grim show that I did a lot in my past. But fortunately, I was strong enough to keep it inside the walls of my mind.

That day I needed help and an unbiased opinion. I thought to open up to my manager but memories from my past were clouding my judgment and rationality. So, I thought it's better to shut up that day. I stayed at my institute for a quite long time. My teacher and manager were submitting the entries of students who have participated in that competition. I was sitting near them staring at the computer screen blanky while my mind was storming with memories from my past. I didn't have any desire to go home that night, I was scared beyond explanation. I was scared of the false judgment and scrutiny. I was so emotionally fragile that day and I felt like a complete loser. In the whole day, that time seemed very blissful as there were no one to vilify me. Sitting and staring at my feet listening to their funny conversation was becoming my favorite pass time. I went home got hit by wreaking ball as expected, got shattered and then a new day started again. Following the same routine, my days was passing but I stopped being productive. I started losing interest in everything.

Yesterday, I was sitting alone on the balcony of my institute while everybody went to take the seminar on "Flipbook Animation"  downstairs. But, I couldn't even move, was not feeling very well. I thought to sit and watch few "Assasin's Creed" videos on youtube in the hope that it will hype me up.
In the meantime, my teacher walked in and as usual, I got scared. Anxiety man.. Can't help it. I asked a bit of help from him, about a content I was working on. After a bit of talking, he reminded me of a question I asked him a month ago and that was

 "How to not get bothered when people are terribly vexing you"?? 

And that time, I was suffering from that same agony which was making me sick. I felt as if he read my mind. I felt like someone pulled me out of deep water. I can't explain how much I wanted that answer. And then he said,
"Take a piece of paper and write a testament stating that if I turn out a very useless thing in my life, will you take my responsibility?" 

He asked me that if anyone is willing to sign that paper except your parents. I was blank for a moment and then thought for a while my answer was "NO". Then he told me, why should I bother to think about those who are not willing to take my responsibility. And I had no words to deny that fact. He told me the brutal truth of life and it seems since all these years of my living I had been blind, I had been so wrong. That sentence was "gospel" for me that day I went home early and thought about it a lot. And that's how I got a new perspective on life. And I hope I can stick to that perspective and be strong.

And that was my friend my thought that I've shared with you all and hopefully from my experience, you can learn a bit too.

Sorry, If you find this blog a bit negative. Now, it's time for me to "sign out" from "Digital Decatron". Till then my friends good day to you. Make sure to follow us on Facebook.

Katherine Lightwood

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