A version of you exists in the minds of everyone you know, but that's not You By Katherine Lightwood

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A version of you exists in the minds of everyone you know, but that's not You

By Katherine Lightwood


The other day I was scrolling through my facebook page in search of some idea for the upcoming competition of  "Creative Mind" organized by our institute. I mean not exactly our institute but the head of our institute, whatever that's not the point here. The main point is I came across a 'post' from the 'introvert' group I recently joined and it just clicked my mind. It said, "A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you". And this thought was so amazing and relatable.

Everyone you met, no matter how good or bad a person might be, who thinks about you even for a second has a different version of you in their mind. And it's definitely not you and it never could be you. And I have experienced it very well in my life. Before I knew much I tried very well to fit myself into the persona that people had in their minds. And that was a stupid problem I had. And I learned it in a very very hard way not to put myself in someone else's shoes who is not me.

People, society, and relationships are the hardest things for me to manage. They are the only source of my anxiety and depression and I completely blame this on myself and my pesky genes. I've read so many books on human minds, spoken to many peoples about many things and wasted countless hours on solving the logic of people's mind. But like always I failed. And now, I stopped trying. Little by little I am letting go. I've started to care less what others think and tried not to fit myself on the 'version of me on their mind'. Well, I am failing continuously but I am trying hard not to.

In my past, I tried very very hard to fit myself on a version of me on somebody else's mind. And it literally killed me. And I mean it. It snatched my self-respect and made me feel so bad about myself that I can't help cursing my fate. It snatched every ounce of dreams and ambitions I had. And left me without any goals and passion. I was barely living. My whole existence became a lie. And the bad thing is that when you start believing in a lie you can't be fixed. And still, a part of me is immersed in this dark lie of my life. This year 2018, I made a resolution that I will never lie to myself and I am trying very hard to stick to it. But those reminiscent of my past always pulls me back giving me panic attacks and anxiety. I tried this so hard for such a long time that it became a part of me now.

Wise man say life teaches you in a hard way and that was very true. Even though this part of my life is my darkest part till now but it taught me one thing and that is not to lie to myself. It taught me to be myself even if I am standing alone and never blend in with others. And god knows what I will be doing with my life but I will never lie to myself and never pretend anything that I am not. 

So, that was my thought of the day. To see more posts like this make sure to visit our main page. And Do not forget to visit our institute's page to know more about graphic design, 3D, animation courses and other awesome stuff. Till then good day to you. 

 Katherine Lightwood

  

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