The Crimson Creed - The World of Creations.

Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part- 8 By Katherine Lightwood I am someone who is worst at processing feelings. Well, yesterday was surprisingly my last day at my institute (If things go well and if my new employer keeps me permanently at my job). I just felt everything and nothing at the same time. And I didn't understand what I was going through. I had experienced the most precious moment of my life till now. It was so short... so so short that I haven't properly lived it. I wish I could but I couldn't. And I think this was it... A glimpse of heaven while being dragged into hell. I couldn't explain how I felt...honoured, cared, treasured, worthless, rejected, betrayed and many other things at the same time. I never felt that way before. In my whole life, I was never honored that much...not even close to it. I got so much intimidated about this that feeling that I started getting severe anxiety attacks. My dark thoughts crept from inside and started bulling

Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part- 7 By Katherine Lightwood Here's the thing with success...it's a sugar-coated TIME BOMB . You started to get hang of it and it explodes in your mouth. Life is very weird and you can't describe it as a bottle half filled or half empty. It's rather like a distorted tree branch that when we look at it from a certain angle it looks like an epitome of beauty but as we change the angle it becomes a demonic entity. It's all about angle. But the exact shape of life... I hardly think anyone has ever understood. Today, I saw a different phase of life. A phase that I haven't seen before...clink of  SUCCESS in other people's words. I thought I would be happy, life would be easier then...But I was wrong. Today, I got a job on a big production house as a Graphic Designer/ Concept Artist. But as I walked out of the office... a strange gloom surrounded me. I searched for every single reason to be happy but I didn't find one

Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part- 6  By Katherine Lightwood My days are passing like a blur. I am stuck and the world is passing by ...so fast that it's not only impossible to keep up but also impossible to see the world. In the time period of one breath, the world seems to fly past me. And I am waiting, waiting and just waiting...for god knows what and god knows why. I honestly don't have any goal in life. I am just surviving, being a speck of dust in this limitless universe. Today my head teacher asked me that what "Tag" I want to see under my name. As he was asking I just got blank. This question literally stopped my world. When I searched for questions in my mind, I found myself helpless. As if I am wandering in the streets of hell. At that moment I just wanted to get lost... just get lost in the thin air... I wished to erase my existence from this planet. But as I kept thinking all these, time past by and my head teacher kept staring at my face. He

Untitled Guilt Part-21 By Katherine Lightwood Falling off the edge and without hoping to be saved, Many years have passed, it's pointless that I've lived. My transgressions took a shape of my demons, All I have known is that life gives you lemons. I need to get up alone in the fight of my life, I have to understand the difference between a sword and a knife. Need to learn how to protect me with my shield, Need to erase the pain of my past with my senseless guilt. The winds of the war are starting to cover the cloudless sky, Demons of my past are torturing me, forcing me to lie. The blight is in front of my eyes, I am cutting out the light, Suffocating in darkness, I am tired of losing my fight. Wake up say the wind, wake up say the sky, Wake up say the blood stain barren land, you need to fly. With a broken wing I am taking a giant leap of faith, Death is waiting to catch me as I fall and show it's wraith. I am so scared that I have lost all sens

Innocent Expectations By Katherine Lightwood Since I was a child, my choices were chosen, Wishes I once had are now frozen, Some I had to kill, some I had to lock in the dark, I wished that they would be quiet and will not spark. I promised myself to not look upon the happiness, I promised myself to crawl into the darkness. So, I cut my wings and crushed my dreams, Just to make my world happy and wish to lower their screams. Thrown away like wasted paper and wreaked my pride, Followed all the rules, had pain that I had to hide. But in that chaos, I prayed for a sunshine, prayed for a light, But a mistake I made, what a shame, I had to fight. Is it a shame for a shadow bearer for wanting to see the light, Why it's has become a mark of shame for me, it wasn't my plight. Now, I grieve sitting in the dark wishing to see the lost sunshine, But alas, I seemed to approach my finish line. I am drenched in the shame, paying for my repercussions, My unshed tear

Untitled Grief Part-20 By Katherine Lightwood I am a wreckage, I am a blur, Lost in the crowd, lost in those stars. Countless needles are stuck in my soul, Bleeding from the inside without any goal. With a broken smile, I blend among the crowd, Shadows of my past say I should be proud. Thorns from my past prick my feeble feet, I wash up the blood and try to make it neat. But sometimes I miss the blood stains of my failure, The hounds of my fear feast on me mocking my false valor. But I try to redeem the reasons of  defeat to the world, And on the inside, I am in scared and curled. A pain is radiating through my void bones, That feels like the world is throwing me sticks and stones. I am shunned from the place I once called paradise, Now I am in the garden of pain, screams, and lies. What a strange curse that has been bestowed upon my fate, Wherever I go this curse follows me and push me towards hell's gate Katherine Lightwood

Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part-5 By Katherine Lightwood Sometimes we keep fooling ourselves by making illusions in our mind, imagining situations and stuff that is purely hypothetical or doesn't exist in real life to make life a bit easier, comfortable and easy to live. You know the thing is "truth" that we say sometimes get so bitter that it's hard to live with it. It's quite easy to say that live your life truthfully, be truthful, the truth is better and so on. But try to imagine that in "real life" I am guaranteeing you that you can't survive. Life is hard and the truth is the hardest. Sometimes it's ugly, suffocating and grim. I've heard people telling me to be real, be practical, don't fantasize and I didn't. I tried to as real as possible from childhood. I've tried not to dream and not wish for things that are beyond my reach. I didn't ever lay eyes on stuff that I thought was not for me. But what this&

Untitled Grief-19 By Katherine Lightwood Lost in the confusion and in the world I see, Demons of my mind dance with joy and glee. Tomorrow was the day I kept griping into my hand, Time passed and it ran through my finger like sand. Days are grim and night is so bright, It didn't let me sleep even though I fight. I was looking at the sun till it set on the west, My thoughts were clouded, I didn't have much rest. My soul suffers in melancholy as it's the end of time, I still search for the words so that I could rhyme. Ran out of words and is losing my goal, Looking for the devil to sell out my soul. But the hope that I hope to follow, Is running out of sight and that I have to swallow. The untold agony has captured my life, Still, they told me to be happy and simply just thrive. But I hide behind my grotesque grin to see the sunlight, And that's my only hope and that's my only right. By Katherine Lightwood

Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part- 4 By Katherine Lightwood Life is Unfair, Ugly and frightening until there is LOVE. And this is the most the most cliched thing I have said in the whole day. It's a fuel to the life, it's an "essence" for survival. Without it, life is just a spell of time where you have to exist and for this, you have to eat, sleep and breathe. Easy it may sound but actually, it is not. Do you know what a lion does when it is hungry in the lonely forests of Africa? Even if it is sick, dying or in some terrible problem, it has to get up and travel through hundreds of miles in the scorching heat, chase deer, hunt them down, kill them and then it. So, that is the struggle for survival. And there is no mercy for lion. If it will not get up then it has to die. I know it's very depressing to hear but that's the truth. And Mother NATURE does no mercy. There is no law of mercy in the eyes of NATURE. It's only a selfish concept that hu

Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part-3 By Katherine Lightwood Fear...This is my strongest emotion and one of my biggest weakness. No one will ever believe me but this is the only emotion that I usually feel. Yes...another is anger and that's it. People say they feel nostalgic, love, lust, hunger, excitement and many other but all I could feel is Fear. It paralyzes me, makes me do thinks that I don't want, makes me behave that I don't want. Sometimes I feel my whole life is driven by fear. People ask me ...What do I fear most?  My honest and most truthful answer is "EVERYTHING" ... There is nothing in the world that I am not afraid of... people, insects, unanswered questions, pain, promises, eyes, smile, emotion, attention, love, care...and many countless things. And not just an itty bitty fear... Fear that grips me like a ghost and I stop functioning. I can remember a dialogue by  Vision ( Avengers, Age of Ultron movie)  where he says, "I try to un

Untitled Grief Part-18 By Katherine Lightwood Like a sinking ship, I float over that ocean, Nothing could erase my darkness, there's no potion. My mind is connected with the ferocious hell, But sometimes it seems to me like a calm church bell. Dark clouds over my head are about to rain down, That will wash away my sand castles and my little town. I am on the verge of sinking in an endless abyss, Demise is very near to me and is away by only one kiss. Trying to unwind my vicious thoughts by cutting the thread, No one knows about the war raging inside my head. I try to scream but my voice is caged inside my soul, I could only grieve from inside and growl. Sometimes I don't have any fear or any dream, Sometimes I am so tired to try or even scream. My thoughts sometimes drown myself in this endless sea, I pretend that I am in love with the death and dance with glee. But beneath all these chaos I am curled up in the dark, My soul is not in tune with this r

Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part -2 By Katherine Lightwood The world is governed by only one rule and this rule is a mystery . No matter what you do, you will never be told what is this rule. There are different versions of this rule. Some might be told by your parents and some might be by your mates or others but the fact is that they are never true. The fact of life is that you will fight in a gladiator fight and if you lose you will die, if you violate the rules you will die but the scary part is that no one will tell you about your rules. You have to figure out of your own. Sometimes, I think that our life like "Matrix" , the movie. We are in stimulation and some hideous beings like to torture us making us dance into its tune like we are there mare puppets and that's what God is. We are fooling ourselves that God is great and he does everything right but that might be completely opposite to the reality. This is just a Hypothesis, I don't claim that i

Mental Journal of Dark Thoughts Part -1 By Katherine Lightwood Terribly frustrated with the chaos of life in general, today I went out for a walk. Only a few rays of sunlight were left. The whole nature seemed to get in sync with me as if they are telling my tale of life. The setting sun, the grim calmness before the storm, everything was related to me. In between the chaos, I felt like I was a sinking ship surviving in the angry ocean. Losing hope every single second but still fighting. It made me understand that in spite of all the darkness and struggle, the primitive part of the human spirit keeps on surviving before the heart stops beating and lungs take its last breath. As I was walking through the pavements, I took a quick journey down the memory lane of my life. A journey from my cradle up to now. I can't say grave here because I am still alive. I was surprised that in the rush of achieving my goal, I locked so many of my memories away. Although each of these is

My love for Edger Allen Poe and My Inner Darkness By Katherine Lightwood Born in Boston in 1809 and died in Baltimore in 1849, American writer Edger Allen Poe is one of the world's greatest crime and horror authors. His influence on literature extends far beyond the grave. And he is credited with inventing the detective and science fiction genres. His gruesome and tormented stories reflected an equally tormented life. His daring career choice as a writer ruined his relationships. He died destitute despite the literary acclaim. He is one of my favorite Poet even though I haven't read much of his works. I came to know about him when I was in my college. Experimenting with different genres of novels and poetry books I came across this legend. After reading his poems "Alone" and "Anabelle Lee" I slowly realized that I can relate with him very much. Apart from his exquisite mind, I was simply surprised that how he could take his darkness of life and com

Untitled Grief Part-17 By Katherine Lightwood They say my mind is a nasty place, It's a hell on earth to where I race, Reasons are always there that I can't explain, My eyes lack tears now that once had rain. I am claimed for a felony that I haven't done, Wraith of darkness is near, happiness has already gone. Walked out from the crystal city I once called home, Wanderer of hell I've become so that I can freely roam. Bounded by the shackles of sorrow and tyranny, Once lived in the land of paradise that was always sunny. Now I walked through the shadows bearing my shame, Which they often misunderstood and say that it is lame. So close to the great demise yet so far away, Wish I had a bit of strength left and I wish I could say. But my words fall on the ground and shatter like glass, I am watching my life passing by and I am still a lonely lass. Life has run far ahead of me while I was counting stars, A tale of defeat would be

Signs of Toxic Relationships (Friendships) By Katherine Lightwood Little did everyone know, but I have quite a good experience with "Toxic Relationships". And today I am sharing with you some tips and tricks on how to identify a toxic relationship, especially friendship. So, what is a toxic friendship? It is a relationship where you are being mistreated by someone that you call a friend. And this mistreatment is often so subtle that it's not always easy to identify right away. And, if you are an introvert by any chance then my friend you are a magnet of a toxic relationship. Sad it might sound but it's true because introverts are not very good at expressing their feeling. So, when you will be bullied in any form then it will take a lot of time to raise your voice and until then the damage will be done. Here, I am describing three signs of you could be in a toxic relationship. By the way, they are from my personal experiences. So, could be unrelated to your

Untitled Grief Part- 16 By Katherine Lightwood It's never been so easy when I opened my eye, The world that I see always makes me cry. Bound by the shackles, bleeding from my feet, I have to walk over the hell ignoring that heat. Not allowed to see the world but cursed for being blind, Always kept cursing the stars for not being aligned. Once the world was golden, now it turned grey, My mind is blank now, I have nothing to say. I still get the glance still gulp the pain down my throat, My soul keeps dragging me down, but I want to stay afloat. They tied my hands with the chains of modesty, But why they keep telling me I am a shameful posterity. I am grown in vessels of rules and shame, My senseless image doesn't match my name. Lurking through the shadows and blinded by the light, War is raging in my head, I always need to fight. Now, when I broke into a countless piece of glass, My mind is in chaos and I am a lonely Lass. So, that was my thought of

Pocket full of Sunshine By Katherine Lightwood The long day in the middle of the grapevine, My mind is free from all nonsensical whine. Walked in the shadows, walked through the rain, My folks sometimes ask what did I gain. But even though, I am tongue-tied, It is the journey where I have never lied. I stand like a soldier, fight through the night, Can't let the hope get away from my sight. It's like a thread from where I am hanging, A strange requiem I am always singing. Don't know it's about the demise or something else, Or the things I am doing is always been less.    But this valley of sunshine is a strange enigma, It bewitched my soul with its strange charisma. Just like a paradise was that strange land, Gold dust everywhere just like the hip of sand. But that sweet scent always drags me to that grapevine, Where I always get my pocket full of sunshine. So, that was my thought of the day. To see more posts like this make sure to visit ou

My Philosophy of Life By Katherine Lightwood Life is tough, very very tough. It is the toughest thing anyone could ever imagine. No matter how poor you are or how rich you are, one way or another you are surrounded by thousands of obstacles. It's like a journey where you are crawling over thousands of thorns and you can't wait or take rest. There's a flow to it. If you stop anywhere the thorns will get into your limbs and it will hurt way worse then it is doing now. You have to keep on crawling to get out of that place with a hope that things will get better. But the truth is that it doesn't. But this slightest hope makes you human. They say it's a source of creativity. If you stop hoping that means you are dead inside. In this arena of life, we all are playing a game. Those who are winners could only survive. The losers have to die. It's like a gladiator fight... no place for weak. I am still a winner and struggling to win everywhere but with every pa